The darkness is nothing without the light
by Rochelle daughter of Thalassa
Summary: NOW CONTINUED :D Dark Percy after Tartarus. There are self-harm and suicide triggers. Percy is struggling to overcome the sadistic feelings that he has always hid from everyone, including himself. How long before he turns those feelings towards those he loves, and what will he do to stop that happening. Percabeth feels. :(
1. Wrong

**Hello, just a quick note to say Hi! I'm Rochelle so obviously my name is not Rick so obviously I do not own the Percy Jackson, or Heroes of Olympus series. This is very dark so proceed with caution. There may be slight triggers, there are hints to self harm in here, they aren't so bad that I felt the need to make this an M but... just be careful if you can be triggered.**

**Percy's PoV**

I felt... wrong.

That was the only description for it.

Now, I will be the first to say when it comes to battle I have always been a little sadistic, one of the clearest memories from the war last summer was laughing and smiling like a maniac when fighting. Except that's the nice way of putting it, in reality I was having fun killing and slaughtering.

_But it is fun. _

I slammed my fist against the mirror. That voice had been haunting me since I let go of that edge, at least that's the first time I took any notice of it, if I was to be honest with myself I would say that it had always been there like the devil on my shoulder.

I looked up at my reflection. I looked a mess, no point in denying it. I was wearing a white t-shirt, the bathrooms on the ArgoII were white as well, but my skin was the palest thing I could see. in fact everything about me was faded, my hair was bordering on grey, the scars on my arm were a sickly looking pink, I looked like a ghost.

That was except for one thing. My eyes were darker than I'd ever seen them, there was only a small difference in shade between my iris and my pupil. Now, this in itself did not scare me, it was the look in those near black eyes that my skin crawl. Those eyes held emotions darker than I could have imagined feeling in my nightmares, those eyes held a deep sadistic idea to cause horrific pain on everyone who had wronged me. Including myself...

"Percy?"

My head snapped to my bedroom, pitch black before, now illuminated by the light from the hallway that spewed in through the open door. And silhouetted in that halo of light was the most beautiful girl who had ever lived. The girl that gave me hope. The girl that made me somehow believe that I could tackle these dark thoughts, because she was the girl that made me want to. She was enough to cut through this torrent of evil, this lust to cause people pain.

At least she usually was.

In Tartarus there had been one moment where I found myself not caring that she was terrified of me, not caring that she was seeing the monster that I had been hiding even from myself.

I was determined to never let her see that side of me again.

I picked up a blue sweatshirt, pulled it over my head, took one last look in the mirror, met those fierce eyes with my own... and walked towards the light.

**The first chapter is dooooonnnneeee. Hope that wasn't too depressing, sooooo please stay tuned for more, there will be less thinking about more interacting with other people in the next one, just had to set the scene a bit ya know. Anyway please, please review, was it good,was it terrible, was it just OK? I NEED TO KNOW?! **


	2. Gone too far

**Second chapter in one night :D still don't own PJO or HoO sadly xD Should be less triggering this one... we'll see **

**Percy's PoV**

Annabeth sat across from me at the table for breakfast.

Not beside me. Not even remotely near me. She sat as far away from me as she could.

We were sitting alone today, Jason had been on lookout, so had gotten breakfast early, Piper had woken up earlier to be with him so no doubt they were on deck making out somewhere, Frank was still in bed after taking first watch last night, and Hazel had taken a nasty blow to the head yesterday.

Why you ask?

Because of me. You see, we had been fighting a ... gaggle? Group? Herd? ...of Emposia, and I let myself get taken over by _that_ side of me again**. N**ear the end of a fight I was at one end of the ship fighting 3 of the Emposia with Hazel, I had both of them cornered and was, dare I say it, enjoying driving my sword slowly into one of their sides whilst somehow managing to keep a hold on the other by the throat, forcing her to watch as I killed her sister. Eventually the first Emposia turned into dust, it might as well have been Cocaine due to the high it gave me. As I turned to the other one my grip slackened, she shifted and bit into my arm a little, her teeth digging into open wounds from the previous night. I let her go, determined to cause this one even more pain than I had caused her sister then she turned into dust. Hazel stood behind her with a small "I just saved your life" smile on her face". After that everything is a blur for me, all I remember is that when the others arrived at the scene both I and the railing around the ship were covered in the blood from Hazels head.

The thoughts from that night still haunted me, but no where near as much as my thoughts now, or more my lack of them. Why didn't I feel guilty? I know I should, and I know a part of me does, but that part is buried so far down, that part is being suffocated slowly and one day it will just cease to exist.

And I think Annabeth sensed that.

"So... you OK?"

"Of course I am, why do you ask?"

"You just seem a little tense"

"I'm not the one who decided to sit over 5 feet away from her boyfriend"

Our eyes met. I couldn't tell you how long we sat like that. We both wanted to break the tension, but were too scared of what that might mean to do so.

"Hi guys, have any of..."

That was as far as Frank got before I jumped up from my seat, punched him in the nose, then he crumpled. After that I can only assume that I started attacking him, later I would notice the nail marks where I scratched him, the bruises where I punched and kicked him, and even bite marks. I was no longer human, I was no longer a demi-god. I was nothing but a monster, I was worse than an animal, I was worse than any enemy I myself had ever faced.

I had gone too far.

**And that is why I shouldn't write at 12 O'clock at night... 0_0 **


	3. Solution

**Jeez it's 12 O'clock at night, but I just have to finish this chapter at least...**

**Percy's PoV**

I was running. And then I was flying.

And then I fell.

I landed in the water, I had to get away.

I could hear the voices of my friends, no, not anymore, they wouldn't ant to be friends with a monster.

Anyway, I could hear _them_ above me. They were yelling but I couldn't hear a single word, it sounded like they were 50 miles away.

Except one voice, her cut through me like a bullet through the water, slower than usual, but persistent and bang on target.

"Percy, what have you done?"

I wish I could give her the answer, she hated not knowing, but I don't think anybody knew, so she would just have to live with that.

I couldn't go back up. What would I say? What could I say. I had just beaten up possibly even killed one of our close friends.

Killed.

That thought hit me like a battering ram into my stomach.

I wasn't safe to be around. I could never see my mother again, I hated to break my promise but I couldn't hurt her, I could never see Chiron again, I felt like I was letting him down but I had gone too far into my insanity, I could never even see Annabeth again, I'd promised her I'd never leave, but my promise to keep her safe was more important.

But did keeping her safe mean I had to stay away forever starting from now?

I waited for several hours until the voices left. Their calls for me to come back up had turned into an argument about what to do with me. Jason though I should be killed, Hazel, who had now woken up, wanted to hear my side of the story, Piper was just trying to keep everyone civil and calm, not very effectively from the sounds of it, Leo kept suggesting that we lock me up in the stores, and Annabeth was adamant that there was something wrong and that I didn't mean any of this.

She had been crying, that much I could hear it in her voice. The sound broke through the web of anger inside of me and shattered my heart.

I knew what I had to do.

So that night, about an hour after everyone had went to bed (they decided to try and get me again in the morning, and just hope I didn't murder them in their sleep)I lifted myself on a wave back on to the ship.

I crept into Annabeth's room, and shook her awake.

We stared at each other and then gently she slip her arms around me, and I mirrored her actions. I felt a wholeness I hadn't felt in days.

Then I felt her stiffen. As if her sleepiness had finally worn off and she remembered the full horror of what I had done. This just brought back memories of drowning Misery, the fear I'd seen in Annabeth's eyes, the way it made her voice tremble and... how much I'd loved it.

I was wasting time, I came here for a reason.

I pulled away from Annabeth and reached into my pocket pulling out Riptide and uncapping it as far away from Annabeth as possible so she knew I wasn't going to harm her.

Then I pressed the hilt into her hands and whispered 2 words.

"Do it"

My voice didn't shake, I didn't stutter, yet it still sounded weak, fragile. But it had to be done.

Annabeth's gorgeous grey eyes swirled with confusion, she looked at the sword in her hands then she slowly raised her eyes to mine.

And then she understood.

"No!"

Came her horrified whisper.

"You have to, please"

"No, Percy, for gods sake we can fix this, it will get better, you'll see. Franks fine, Hazels fine, and so will you.."

"Annabeth please, I don't want to hurt anyone else that I love. Please, if you have any love or respect for me or anyone around us, do it"

"I can't, why did you come here anyway?"

It was a good question, why did I come here instead of just doing it myself?

"I know I have to die, but I don't have to die all alone. I couldn't bear not seeing you again. And I'm not in control of my own actions, not really. The other side of me doesn't want this. You have to kill him, just as you would any monster, even if that means killing me"

"No"

"Annabeth please!"I grabbed her roughly by the shoulders before realizing what I was doing and stopping."I'm begging you..."

My head dropped down to rest against hers.

"Please my love, I can't cope with this another day, help me."

I sounded weak, probably because I was, but that didn't matter not, not really.

"I will help you Percy, because I love you, and I don't want you to have to live with what I know for you is torture. But if you are going..."

Her hands traveled around my back, Riptide still in them, I felt the sharp ecstasy to pain, the cold metal of the blade I loved piercing through me... and through the woman I loved.

"..then I'm coming with you" she whispered.

She pulled the blade out sharply and we both fell on our sides. I wrapped her in my arms and sang to her quietly until we fell asleep.

**WOAH! 0_0 I don't know what happened there, I'm sorry. I only planned for Percy to die but nope, when I wrote it she died as well. I am so sorry please don't kill me :( But please review, this is probably the end of this. I wrote it all in one night, typical xD don't update or upload in over a year then do so 3 times in one night. **


	4. Hey guys, new chapter coming soon :D

**HEY GUYS, STORY IS NOT QUITE AS DONE AS I THOUGHT! As thanks to thee wonderful, amaz-balls suggestion from Allison237Gleek, I will now do 2 chapters, one is a series of reactions (couldn't decide who to do, so your getting them all, deal with it haha) and the second, will be their funeral. Hope you enjoy, I'm going to post this just now, but check back in a few hours to get the new chapter pwease (intentional grammar error, don't kill me) :D it will just be under here in a few hours probably, if not then it will be there tomorrow. Thank you guys for your continued support. **


	5. Reactions

**OMG I'm so sorry, it's almost been a month since I said I'd do it in a week, I mainly have to apologize to Allison237Gleek for her continued support, and also for the stimulus for these next to chapters, like I said sorry for not getting around to this sooner. The truth of what happened is that my writing confidence took a knock at the same time as my basic mood and self-esteem, so I had to take a few weeks to build myself back up, but here I am and hopefully the wait will have been worth it. :) Thank you everyone. So like I said in the previous chapter, this will be a series of everyone's reactions.**

**Pipers PoV**

Shock.

That was my first response, I didn't cry for 5 days, I just continued about my business, silently helping everyone clear up and then remained stoic whilst we tried to move on as if nothing had happened. But we all knew it had.

The scent of blood was still present up to 10 meters away from... _his_ room. Their bodies were still down in storage, locked on the freezers built specifically for the purpose of storing us in if we dies.

I'm pretty sure we were meant to be killed by monsters though.

I didn't blame _him_. It wouldn't be fair of me to blame him. The only reason he had killed himself, or had _her_ kill him... there was so much blood we couldn't quite tell what had happened, was because he didn't want anymore of us to get hurt.

But did I blame her... I wasn't sure. Now I know that makes no sense, she didn't go insane, she never did any of us any harm. But that was it, why did she have to do that, why did she have to go and...

The answer was obvious of course. She loved him. You wouldn't have to be a daughter of Aphrodite to see that.

And if there was one thing I had learnt listening to my siblings, other than what types of shoes look simply _dreadful _with the colour orange, it's that even in death, love goes on.

**Frank's PoV**

I felt pain, I felt betrayal but most of all I felt sorrow. Betrayal came a close second though.

I couldn't help it, I mean, I looked up to that guy _so_ much. He was my Hercules in a way, I wanted to be just like him.

But maybe it was that pressure that broke him. I shifted slightly in my bed, pain shot through the right side of my body. He had said something to me the other day, I hadn't thought much about it...

"You'll be a great Praetor Frank, just... don't take peoples expectations to heart, in fact... don't let them put you on that pedestal in the first place. No matter how great you are you can't live up to their ideals, and if you aren't great well... it's kind of drives me insane."

_Me. _He said me, how did I miss that.

Maybe we had missed other alarm bells... he had been wearing a lot of long sleeves for someone who was constantly running about in the middle of summer. He had spent a lot more time in his room. He had eaten a lot less.

Yeah. I thought smiling, that last one should _really_ have been a sign that something was up.

That's when I realized, I could spend my whole life hating one of the bravest and noblest men I knew because of a few injuries that he had caused me and Hazel (which I must be honest I am seriously pissed off about) and because he gave his life to save us from his demons. Or I could move on, and accept that he had been a great friend, and a brilliant man, who unfortunately didn't die a hero, so lived long enough to see himself become the villain.

**Jason's PoV**

"Suicide is a cowards way out."

That's something I heard once, and I know now that it's complete and utter bullshit.

Percy and Annabeth took part in quests since they were 12, fought in and lead a war at 16, and made it through Tartarus at 17. These people were not cowards.

I still couldn't get my head around Percy's behaviour though. I refused to believe that was him. Because it couldn't be really, the Percy I knew was compassionate and loyal. Not an unhinged psychopath. No, something went wrong, people get a little broken sometimes, as Leo had said before, but they can't always be fixed. This was usually accompanied with some rant about how machines are better than people, but I digress.

In ways I'm glad Percy ended it when he did. He hadn't caused too much damage, he would still get into Elysium and everyone up here was safe, or healing at the very least. So for that reason, no, I do not believe that suicide is a weak cowards way out.

**Sally's PoV**

It was 2 weeks before I heard the news. _2 weeks._

Of course this was because after Ann... after they died, nobody knew where I lived to contact me. In fact none of them ever did find out.

Because he told me.

Poseidon claimed that he didn't know till 3 days before he told me, but he's a omniscient-_freaking_-God. And quite frankly him lying to me about this didn't improve my mood.

"What happened" I hissed through my teeth. I was determined to keep myself together until I found out what happened to my baby boy and the girl he loved.

"Sally.. I don't think you want to.."

"YES I DO WANT TO KNOW, OK?! MY SON HAS JUST DIED SO DON'T YOU DARE TELL ME THAT I..." that's when I just lost it.

All of my efforts had been in vain, and I just course there never was a way I could stay calm after hearing that the boy who I hadn't seen for over half a year, the boy who I raised, the boy who I had to fight desperately to keep safe for 12 years... after hearing that he had...after hearing that he's _died,_ no there was no staying cam after tat, there was no _wanting_ to stay calm after that.

Thing is, I almost felt like it wasn't just my efforts to keep it together that were a waste, for a moment I thought that maybe everything I went through to keep him safe might have been as well, but then I thought, I got to spend almost 17 years with my son, I got to watch him grow from a hyperactive young child, into a tired young teenager, then into a great hero, and then finally as it would seem, into his greatest villain. And I couldn't bring myself to regret one thing, not a single moment.

**OK, so I feel like that's it for now. The characters that I've missed (Grover, Poseidon, Chiron, Rachel, Hazel etc) will get a PoV in the next chapter, which will be their funeral. I just wanted to get some basic reactions right now. Covering their love, Percy's betrayal, their suicide and Percy's journey. Hope you liked it, please remember to review. Thanks. :) **


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